


Wholesome

by ChroniclyFlaming



Category: Dragon Ball Z
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 19:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10725822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChroniclyFlaming/pseuds/ChroniclyFlaming
Summary: Juunanagou stumbles upon a zoologist and the possibility of an entirely different, far more worryingly normal lifestyle than what he could have expected. Android 17/OC, Android 18/Krillin.





	Wholesome

**Author's Note:**

> OC partially inspired by the ideas on the Chestnutisland tumblr on what Juunanagou’s wife could be like.

_We can talk all night, we can talk all day_  
_We can play charades when there is nothing to say_  
_You turn me on to the idea of growing old_  
  
_I can make you angry, you can make me a smile_  
_We can make oragami with the kids for a while_  
_You turn me on to the idea of growing old_  
  
The Idea of Growing Old, The Features

* * *

 

She was laughing violently, off-key, and that was not a good sign at all; she had not done that even as she announced that Krillin had proposed, and even more disturbing, she had said yes.  Juunanagou held the phone politely against his shoulder, head cocked as he adjusted the mixing bowl in his occupied hands. On the TV, a woman held up a greased baking pan and he winced at the shape of her tortellini compared to his own. “You are such a moron, Juunanagou. Oblivious to everything around you. Perfectly blissful to your surroundings.”

He glanced at the half-empty bottle of beer on his counter top. “Are you drunk?”

“No.” Juuhachigou was adamant on that. “I am completely sober.”

“So you're just crazy.”

“I'm pregnant, you ass.”

Definitely crazy then. The cyborg very carefully put the bowl on his rough-hew table. “Ah.”

“You're the first person I told.” It seemed wrong that they speaking on the phone now. This should be face-to-face, together. They were twins, the same in so many ways, parts together. Born and changed together.

Why was there so much space between them, especially now? But now Juuhachigou had a family to separate them. And not just He could almost see her getting big and that new difference between them -- another difference. There were a lot of them now.

She had walked out of here with a bag slung over her shoulder. Everything she owned so easily gathered and carried off with hardly a glance over her shoulder. She had waited for him to get back at least. Voice nearly soft when telling him that she was going now. He had watched Juuhachigou disappearing into the sky, annoyed. Gone to live with that shrimp, that human, acting like they were normal and could just forget their pasts. Forget that they no longer knew what their pasts were.

He understood that.

But he didn’t understand why.

He didn’t understand why he didn’t understand. He should know everything about his sister. He and she were two parts of a whole. They could spend hours together without speaking. There had been no need to talk; Juunanagou could read her moods and emotions, every thought, as well as he could his own. He sipped his beer, and wondered when that had changed.

Another year passed exactly like that, exactly like that.

* * *

 

Over, over everything, there was a red ball, baleful even through the clouds. He had never seen that certain move Son Goku had that involved gathering energy from the planet to hang overhead, but could imagine it looked like this. The sun looked _pissed_. Juunanagou could taste the smoke, smell it, and if he wanted to, could pinpoint the heat source.

Oh, damn.

Briefly, he remembered an island coming apart under his feet, the gentle glow of ki he couldn't sense under his fingers as he waited, but he could push that aside. This is what I do now.

He went running towards the blaze, cursing campers, smokers and anyone careless with any lit fire, humanity as a whole. He saw the van before it saw him, and it was easy to turn his jump into a leap onto the hood rather than flying into the air. No need to panic the natives. Still, the passengers inside screamed. 

He nodded at the driver, who was pale, hissing, but not screaming hysterically. “Hello.”

“Watch where you’re going!”

Juunanagou rolled his eyes and slid off the hood. It was very yellow. He was glad his jeans appeared unharmed. He liked these jeans. “Excuse me.”

“What are you doing here?!” Her voice was very high. “Get out of here, kid.”

Kid?

“Oh, but I am. On my way to save the day.” He only just resisted pointing to the very official scarf tied around his arm that said ‘ranger’ in spindly black lettering.

“You..? What, are you some intern from the college?”

Sometimes, these parts and ‘corrections’ Gero had made were very inconvenient. Such as the ‘no-aging at reasonable rate’ thing. Frankly, he was tired of getting carded, and resented the assumptions that were so often made about his age.

“I happen to be a very good park ranger.” He raised an eyebrow. “And what about you?”

She had multiple brats, wet with tears, with her. They wore red scarves, and that filled him with a sudden disquiet. “Fleeing the scene?” he asked.

She had dirt on her cheek, and no scarf. “Fleeing the disaster zone!”

“I see.” The cyborg pointed away from the fires. “That way.”

Her look wanted to strike him down with lightning. “ _Obviously._ But you can’t run towards a fire.”

He sighed and pushed straight black hair from his eyes. “It’s my job.”

“Mister?” One of the drippy kids was raising his hand. “Are you a hero? Like Mister Satan?”

Oh, _hell no_. “Hell no.”

The woman gave him another stern look. “You can’t seriously think I’m going to abandon you for the _forest fire_. You’re not that big, I’m sure we can fit you in here.”

“Yeah!” Another kid pipped in. “He can go in the trunk!”

The woman shushed the child. “Ashley, that’s not helpful.”

“Yeah, _Ashley_.” His hands went to his jeans pocket. “Now if you campers will excuse me…”

“We’re not camping.” A sniffle-y boy retorted. “We’re the Red Scout Rangers.”

Juunanagou cursed the universe and gave up on humanity and decency, finally. “…okay, that’s _great_ , just great. I’m leaving.”

The last he saw of the yellow van filled with panicked humans, the woman was turning to the kids “Wait! Wait! Oh, fuck. Oh fuck, don’t any of you kids every do what that crazy man is doing now.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, to himself and the trees and ash. “And don’t take rides from strangers.”

“What was that?” the woman yelled.

“Nothing! Just.” He shooed them. “Get out of here.”

Her eyes were neither pale nor particularly dark. They met his own, while she fumbled with the clutch. “You better not die in there, _young man._ ”

Dying again, after everything he’d been through, because of smoke inhalation or from a flaming tree falling on him, was both impossible and unacceptable. Sparks filled the air and he very nearly felt sweat coming over his brow. It was a big forest, and always something going on. If not fires, contained or otherwise, then a lost traveler, a band of poachers that decided the off-season was the time to not only shoot deer but anything else that moved. And Juuhachigou asked what he liked it here. Well, he wanted to know what she got from hanging around a boring island all day. Besides the terminally dorky husband to wave a fan and give her another mixed drink. So spoiled.

Juunanagou would take adventure, and some reason to get outside, to feel rain or dust or smoke on him and dirt on his boots. Gero would be appalled, he was distantly aware, and that was always a cheerful thought. It let him ignore the voice that told him of temperature increases and whispered always of old revenge.

Why have coconuts and empty oceans when you could have a tent that leaked a little, open stars above and all the silence you could handle? Mm.

It was easy matter to reach out with energy he could not sense yet knew pull and hold this power, and push down, suffocating the flames with nearly as much satisfaction as choking a man, watching his face twist and his fingers scrabble for purchase, and finding none. Enough, just enough, to slow it and stop it from spreading this way. It would be easier to smother all of it, or to perhaps destroy countless miles of the woods. Juunanagou knew his own strength, and he knew this forest well.  He hoped nothing singed his clothes. 

They met again, the cyborg and the odd woman, after the excitement had died down. She was with the rest of the humans, at the main center with people handing out water bottle and troopers with clumsy helmets. The human had wrapped blankets around the kids, all of them, and had hot cocoa to pass around. But she refused to hand him a mug. Which was unfair. Didn’t heroes deserve hot chocolate? “I can’t believe you were in that mess.”

He raised a brow. The blankets hid the scarves and that helped a little. “And what about you? Why would you bring a pack of kids to that?”

They held up little books _. Junior Red Data Book_. He had the grown-up version. It was well-regarded by all professionals. It went into details about all the things humans were currently and had already hunted into extinction. “Oh. Adventure hunting.”

“Bird watching,” she insisted.

“I suppose I might see you again. If this hasn’t scared you away from the woods.”

“Hardly,” she huffed. “This is my profession.”

“Taking children out into the woods to look at pretty birds.” Just like…

“No! I’m a _zoologist_. I only volunteer with the scouts.” She pointed to two of the huddled lumps. Pride entered her voice. “Those two are mine.”

“I see.” He waved to them, and they immediately began whispering amongst themselves. Juunanagou had to smile.

Another ranger, Billy or Bryan, clapped him on the back and pulled him away. “Hey Juunanagou!”

“Hello there.” The cyborg allowed his usual two-degrees-left-of-cool smile cross his face.

Another ranger, Sera or Jane or something, strolled up. “Hey. Shane here and I wanted to know if you want to join us. Bunch of us are going out for some drinks after…”

Oh yes, beers all around. That was how heroes got rewarded. But that mug of cocoa would have been nice.

“I’ll pass.”

Then. Weeks later. He saw her again, traversing the usual camping locations with lantern and freshly washed/waxed vehicle equipped with four-wheel drive, bought from Capsule Corp with only the most minor of irony. The woman was back at it, with the same cluster of dirty children. She was cleaning up after a s’mores _explosion_ , it looked like. She _waved,_ friendly, until seeing his pointed stare. Then she rolled her eyes and dumped the bucket of water onto the fire. He doffed an imaginary cap, and continued on his way.

And then _again_. She was at a different camp site, the touristy one by the Capsule Corp-branded Porta Potties, grimacing and pointing the shared hose into her car. At something horrid, from the expression on her face. Her hair was down and face a stressed grimace beneath her West City baseball cap. Juunanagou decided it was an opportune time to make her acquaintance again.

“Why hello there.” Another lightning-stare. He was keenly aware how much metal he had beneath his skin.

“Can you tell me, Mister Intern, how some people can ever _think_ feeding wild raccoons?”

As someone that had fed the local wildlife when still green, and even sometimes after as necessary, Juunanagou had to defend the decision. “Some people think they are cute. You know. The little hands.”

“But inside a _car_?” She had red hair. It clung to her face, sweaty, dark until it caught in the sun, and curly. There would be frizz, he suspected, if she removed that cap and removed the band holding it all back. Juuhachigou would have many unkind things to say about her jeans and that red plaid shirt that seemed to have paint on it. “And _cheese_?”

He glanced around her, and into the car. “Some people are morons.”

“Yes. And unfortunately you can be related to them.”

And sometimes, you even weren’t. “Yes. Agreed.”

She sighed. “Never mind that. My family is not your trouble. Especially my father-in-law.”

Juunanagou felt something tighten around his cheekbones. Never mind. “How’ve you been?”

“Oh, alright. And you?”

“Not burned to a charred husk yet,” he responded, cheerfully. “I never got your name.”

She pushed aside hair, careless, leaving water on her cheek. No makeup or anything besides a smart layer of sunblock. “Johanna. Johanna Hague.”

He kept his voice very calm. “Hog?”

“Hague.”

“Hag. Got it.”

She made a move to unleash the hose onto him, or perhaps shove him face-first into the car, and he liked both his shirt and jeans, so he made his polite departure. He walked easily away on sneakers people always frowned about as though he should be concerned about sore feet, sure he would see Johanna again. It was not bad to know her name. Though he hadn’t needed to find out that she had a father-in-law. That was a little personal, and Juunanagou was not big on that. He would let it go, and snicker later about the raccoon mess.

Again, the tiny grocery store. She was pulling a child from the remains of an elaborately assembled pile of cereal boxes, checking to make sure her offspring was okay and then inspecting the damage. When she spotted him, she waved, and then held a finger to her lips as she pulled her and the kid away, slowly, from the crime scene. When the managers came to see the carnage, Juunanagou would only shrug and stare, dead-ahead, as they looked at him suspicious.

When they met again, she was fresh from her main job, it seemed. A contained fire with the new _interns_ attempting to put out the flames under careful watch from the _real_ fire fighters, and nearby dorks in hypothetical lab coats and real heavy firefighter jackets on so they had to suffer as they wrote their notes on whatever animal they were there to study. There was quite a little crowd forming. She was there, mouth a firm line, all brown freckles and stress. He liked the way she jumped a little when she saw him.

“Hello there. Mister _Funny Intern.”_

The dark-haired man would refrain from nicknames. He wasn’t even sure why he was talking to her, but if she was here so often, it might be good to have a working relationship. Besides…he was rather tired of talking to people from work who wanted to either see him outside of work in embarrassing _romantic_ context or to pry him for information he had no interest in sharing. She was startling in yellow, and with a _smile_. One that stayed on even as she saw here there in the clearing by the parking lot.

He was not unaware of the effects his youthful, good looks had on humans, even if it usually filled him with a certain disdain. Johanna must see a young man, practically a kid in some respects, distant and mysterious with his straight black hair, in tapered jeans, bright green socks and long sleeved shirt. Perhaps he was just another specimen for her to study.

“Are you stalking me?” She asked, very quietly. The cyborg couldn’t quite tell if she was joking. Perhaps she couldn’t either.

“I really am not. You would not know it if I was.”

She was married, this Johanna. ‘Father-in-law,’ she had said. He was under no false illusions. Juunanagou would not test her wedding vows. It was well, it was a boring day. A really boring week in fact, with school having just started and no drunk college student setting fires or about to get lost for their grad horticulture studies class.

“Maybe we got off to the wrong start?” Juunanagou tried for a smile. “Maybe we should go someplace a little quieter?”

She raised an eyebrow, and a protective film went over her eyes.

No. Damnit. Play it cool. Not that there was any other reason to be anything but that. Like usual. Breathe. What the hell. “Not like that.” He fumbled. “I just don’t want to inhale any more fumes. If we’re going to talk, then let’s do it somewhere else. Besides that tree behind you look ready to fall down any second.”

Her double-take saved him. But from what, Juunanagou decided to just ignore.

…Oh, fuck. And he knew exactly what his sister would say. Vulgar, as she was only on the rarest of occasion, smug, ‘finally decided to jump into the pool huh’? It was like what he’d told Juuhachigou when she kept straying to that island filled with dirty magazines. You spend enough time in a hair salon, you’re going to get your haircut. ‘That was a terrible analogy.’ But he’d been right, hadn’t he? She had a kid and everything. So there.

Well. Screw off. Juuhachigou wasn't even here.

Go chase your deer.

Go chase your rabbit.

“I suppose we can. Yes. It would be good. Since we keep running into each other.”

“Purely coincidence,” Juunanagou swore.

The human nodded. “Yes, we both just work and live near each other.”

“I’m not trying to hit on you either,” he finished. Believe me, you would know if I was...I think.

Her expression shifted, surprise, then annoyance. “Anyway, thanks for not ratting us out at the grocery store. I guess I owe you.”

They ordered coffee at the closest diner, walking there, with her grumbling about her clothes and him secretly finding it hilarious. He had been here a thousand times before, and the pot roast was still horrid. The universe did not implode. When they got stares, it was from ash or perhaps her smiles at the wait staff. None of the vigilante Earth fighters decided to rush inside the diner and demand she step away from the machine right now. Maybe that dumb, lilac-haired boy. So _dramatic_.

“So. How's your life?”

He looked up and smiled.

“I mean. What is your life? Your _deal_?”

“My deal?”

“Yes. The other rangers always talk about what an enigma you are.” She rolled her eyes, startling clear with the light coming from the unclean window to highlight every spatial line, brown and green, yellow-flecked. Then she ripped open a sugar packet and he could glance towards the television set in the corner.

“The mysterious loner, all silent and handsome.” Johanna cleared her throat suddenly. “The lone wolf. I bet I'm the first you've talked to outside of work.”

You’ve been asking about me?

He made a gesture over the table, palm outward. “I am an open book.” Serene and calm. I won't lie, but you won't know the right questions.

Johanna politely sipped her coffee. Her face was animated, round, and pleasantly intelligent. For a human. “Do you have family?”

His twin sister, currently somewhere down south and drinking cocoanut water from a turtle hermit’s skull. His other half and whom he could still recall sticking gum in the hair of just to make her cry—and that had not occurred when they been children. Her little girl, Marron, tiny and dark-eyed and squinting down at him; Juunanagou taking in the lack of nose and she his ‘World’s Best Uncle’ t-shirt. He remembered Krillin being so desperate for them to get along. The slow realization that he wasn't just afraid of Juunanagou killing him on general principal, but afraid that his girlfriend's brother wouldn't like him. That fact had nearly made Juunanagou kill him on general principal. His brother-in-law and that joke wasn’t funny anymore.

“Yes.”

“Well, that's not much of a start. You asked me here.”

“I did, didn't I. Alright.” Juunanagou straightened up. “I have a twin sister.”

“Oh. Oh god. Really? I can picture it so perfectly.” Johanna laughed and laughed and would never, ever meet Juuhachigou as long as Juunanagou lived. “Aw. You two must have been adorable. I know you can't be _exact_ twins, genetically, but that's what I'm picturing. Same blue eyes and that nose. Just you with boobs.”

A twin sister. A little niece or nephew. A brother-in-law. Kami help him, and would have, but Juunanagou had beaten him up. Twice. “She’s blonde, actually. Her name is Juuhachigou.”

That only made her laugh harder. Then she got serious. “And your name. About your name.”

Yes, it had been the subject of some scrutiny. Why not go with Tim or Joe? Because I'm better than some Jim or Bob; I'm me.

“What’s wrong with me name?”

The woman had snark in response. “Was your Mom just short on imagination?”

Tube Mom hadn’t been programmed to have imagination. Just sensors to monitor brain activity and blood pressure and medication while shrieking about revenge against Son Goku. It had also lacked with hugs. “Well, yes. She was not the type to be into making cookies. And there were so many of us that it really became easier to just go with a number scheme.”

There was a grave nod. “I see.”

I'm drinking coffee with a woman who has no idea of what I am. I can't read your ki. It's not much I bet though. I could focus and see every pore and see you in microscopic detail, focus and see your heart. I can tell you my exact blood pressure and reenact my every memory since waking up. My heartbeat. What parts are in me, what were manufactured and where and who really killed Cell.

I don't actually care for wildlife. I just thought this would be fun. But, hell, I don’t mind the bird watching.

He was not unhappy. He was in fact, right at this moment, glad he had been brought back after Cell had absorbed him. The coffee was acceptable and he appreciated the feeling of the wood grain against his forearms and the comfortable fabric of these worn jeans. He liked the sound of her voice, all flat and then rising and hushed when she cursed after revealing that she hadn’t been out for coffee with a man for quite a while. “That was too much information, I think.”

Juunanagou shrugged. “I should just be glad you consider me a man and not a kid anymore.”

She was the typical human. Born and raised in West City, child to an accounting slash volunteer firefighter, well that explained some things, mother some minor desk reporter at ZTV. But she hadn’t cared for much of that, and had escaped to the woods to study the animal life in this area. Not because she liked animals, of course she did, but because it was good meaningful work. Besides, she liked being outdoors, out here. “It’s healthier.”

He raised his eyebrows. He had seen too many lost travelers with snakebites and frostbite to believe that.

“That’s why everyone left the city.” Johanna was vehement. “It is healthy. Fresh air.”

She was new to this exact field, just starting out. Oh, she had tired the boring office job. It hadn’t even been good for her kids; the hours had been hard. It was already rough, raising her family by herself. Single. Yes. _Singled_.

Is he dead? Oh boy. Was he in a motorcycle gang or a trucker or a mad scientist that had run afoul of the Red Ribbon Army? Some other assorted riffraff that might have run afoul of the wrong cyborg at the wrong time? Juunanagou had pulled off the insignias long ago, but sometimes he still felt marked.

“No.” She looked startled. “You have a _morbid_ imagination. You think I would marry a carney? Okay, maybe if there were good discounts on the fair rides. And he didn’t work at a clothing store that didn’t carry boots in a size seven. Why would you ask that? We’re just divorced.”

Ah.

His smile was confusing. He added more sugar and tried to explain it to them both. “You said you had a father-in-law with that little lactose intolerant pet…”

“Oh, that?” She rolled her eyes. “Yes, my ex-husband’s family are still around, occasionally. They try to be a part of my kids’ lives. They mean well…” The last refuge of the desperately annoyed.

“What, are you going to laugh about that?”

He remained smiling. “Of course not. What type of monster do you think I am?”

Johanna stirred her coffee. “And _he's_ not in the picture, in case you were wondering.”

A small smirk. “I was not.”

It was hilarious, that she thought he was trying to hit on her. Ridiculous. If only she could see this from where he was sitting. Really take in the absurdity of him, a cyborg created by the Red Ribbon Army for the world domination, hitting on a pretty woman. Notice the crinkle in her hair and the faint freckles on her face and soot on her hands, and see how stupid that would be to notice that stuff. He sipped his coffee.  

“I am glad I got to meet you again.” Good talk. This is normal.

“Yes.” Her green-flecked eyes were large, watchful and yes, intelligent. “You’re quite a character.”

Juunanagou had a feeling she was trying to fit him into a category, but the square peg was not fitting into that rounded hole. Was he trying to hit on her? Was he just trying to be nice? Was he a stalker or a pyromaniac?

The mugs were perilously empty. Tragic.

No one came by with refills and he cursed this place. He wanted to order pie, or even the pot roast, but did not. Her look was frank, suddenly, straight to his eyes. Urgency, for himself, for the first time in years, entered his life. A voice appeared and began to implore, _you should say something._ Soon she would say something, and they would have to decide on whatever this was. He wanted to make jokes, but couldn’t think of anything witty, and didn’t want to piss her off either.

He was very aware of the space between them on the booths, the distance between their hands. She was slightly shorter than him, well-built from chasing kids and raccoons and forest fires. Juunanagou tried to distract himself by playing the game of how much weaker she was, but that was no fun. She didn’t need to punch him in the face; all she had to do was suddenly pull away from the table and seek out her wallet to hurt him.

She gave him another frank look, from the top of his head to his sneakers. “You should buy boots.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He held his hand out, to stop her. “I’ve got this one.”

She squinted at him again, in that hilarious way of narrow eyes and scrunched nose. Her freckles were brown, and she was tan, sunburned. “You sure?”

“Yes. I’m not the one that is living off the intern salary.”

Johanna made a new face, this one just as entertaining. “I guess you’ve been working with the rangers for too long to be a kid.”

He let a smile pull at his mouth. “Good genes.”

“Yes, _definitely_. Uh.” She stopped and looked nearly _shy._ Was that a blush? “Oh, hell. I’ll see you around then.”

Johanna seemed to need confirmation on what was given.

He would just nod. Let her take what she would. “Probably.”

She had gathered her things, that absurd yellow coat and oversized boots she needed for this current study she was assisting on. “Alright then.”

There was this gapingly open awkward moment at the door. They tried to power through it. She wanted to embrace it with a smile and a handshake. “ _Juunanagou_ was it?”

“Yes. And you, _Miss_ Hague.”

“You got it right!” Her smile lit up her face, exposing cheekbone structure and white teeth. The small cleft in her chin. Freckles on her throat and no earrings.

His hands reached out for the door, and the bell overhead nearly made him jump. The cyborg glanced back at Johanna.

“Seeya around.” It just popped out, idiotic and dumb and lingering. The man gave a wave and played it off. Hand balled up in his pockets, making sure his footsteps were light. Things felt uneasy, shifting, like the ground during an earthquake, but he could not fly away from it. He would not look behind him.

Play cool. Hah, he was always cool.

Shut up.

His heart rate and pulse were elevated, his sensors informed him politely. 

Well, shut up too.

* * *

 

“How did you do it?”

“I didn't forget it.” Her voice was low, to not wake anyone, especially the baby. The infant baby. “I just learned to live with it.”

“You _pretend_ things are normal.”

“They are normal. Relatively. I mean, neither of us turn into giant apes when the full moon happens. When it happened...”

“No, no.” Juunanagou couldn’t resist. “You’re just friend with people that do.”

“Exactly. It’s different.” Her voice was drier than the desert. “Oh, hell, Juunanagou, what do you want?”

I don’t know.

Sharp awareness entered her voice. “She’s awake.” Was it sensors or something more primal, human, that told her that? Juunanagou had been curious, disgusted to see her growing pregnant. Though, with the years passed, he could nearly understand why she would let such a thing happen. He could hear her, the baby, crying. “I have to go.”

“Just make Krillin go get her.”

There was a smile in her voice, and he realized he'd _missed_ her. “He does that anyway.”

He had seen and held her. Marron. Chestnuts, but that was fair. What else to name her? Eighteen and a half? Eighteen point five? Eighteen two point oh. A tiny bundle of yellow hair and black eyes. A tiny stranger.

“Then let him do it again.”

“Juunanagou…” His sister would no doubt prefer to hold a crying, wet infant than deal with her twin, and that hurt a little.

“If you don’t help me,” he very nearly promised. “I’ll set her house on fire.”

Instead, he was good. “Hope you enjoy the rest of your boring life.”

“You’re the one that’s camping,” Juuhachigou said. “Tell me when you’ve finally changed a little.”

As the _mature_ sibling, Juunanagou let her get that last word in by hanging up on her.

So. It was just him and his brain to come up with solutions and plans that made perfect sense. Something would come to him. It had to. Juunanagou might be ‘aimless,’ but he did have goals and some direction. He had gotten this far, wherever this was. Actually, it turned out this _place_ was her house, here to make _cookies_ that he had missed as a child.

Why had he agreed? He had been cornered at work-- but that would be false, considering Juunanagou had invited her in and offered her the single chair, glad to be distracted from paperwork he was not doing anyway. But _why_ had he agreed when she finally asked if he wanted to come over to her home? Maybe he’d been distracted by the fact that she had worn shorts-- no, he had hardly even noticed that and certainly had only seen the ankle bracelet because of how shiny it was, and never mind. It didn’t matter; he was here now.

The cyborg looked at his shoes. He had creased his jeans, the night before, and then when it came time to head over, spent fifteen minutes trying to get them out. Then he debated on which t-shirt to wear.

Juunanagou was very nearly prepared and did not panic. The cyborg would remain calm. She was only a human, and had no idea what he even was. Johanna could not hurt him. That he wanted to know her better was only a sign of growth as a person, and perhaps a sign that he had spent too long by himself, in cold dark cabins, watching the skyline for signs of smoke. It was not insane that he might grow, not _fond,_ but curious about other people.

He was starting to believe she did not consider him another animal to poke and prod and study. He was also starting to believe that perhaps he might be studying her more than she him.

They made cookies and he did not burn her house down, but he did think of his niece, who couldn't even hold her head up. She wore glasses briefly, when reading the directions, and was self-conscious about that fact even as she asked for a thousand details about his life. He told her about his night classes, taken first out of morbid boredom and curiosity, but then eventually interest. He liked biology, and hoped that did not come off as creepy. There were things that interested him now, he would tell Johanna. And not just the car classes. One day he’d like to do more to help the wildlife, on the front line, and to stop the humans that ruined everything.

“Not everyone is like that.” Her stare was not hard or suspicious. “The fact that you and I care is proof not all humans are that. We’re not entirely too damned as a species. Hey, we survived Cell, right?”

Juunanagou smiled, humorless and she asked what the joke was, huh, complete with a nervous nudge to his side that lingered a little too long and make them both glance away. This was both very normal, and exceedingly strange. It was like entering a coffee house for the first time, and people not recoiling in fear. Instead, he was offered coffee from a friendly server that wanted his number, and was confused when being told it was ‘17.’

“And you’re not married?”

Hilarious, to picture him with a van full of kids and a pregnant, nagging wife besides him. “Definitely not.”

The woman squinted at his shirt. “No, you don’t seem the type to have a hidden family.”

“Or any family, perhaps? I’m mysterious that way.”

“But not the creepy, abandoned-family way,” she allowed. “Besides, if you had at least one wife, those pants would be in better shape.”

She told him about her kids, about her earlier life as a lawyer, miserable, not even making much money, stuck and unhappy. Her husband was gone as much as she was, and at a certain point she realized she didn’t care if he was there or not. At a certain point, it was easier if he was gone, and then he really was. Johanna had funny creases around her eyes when she described it, making her look older, _wise,_ dare he say. It was a bad time, she muttered, and he understood. So she tossed it aside, and went to live the _dream_ , despite everything saying otherwise.

It got warm in the kitchen, and she turned on the fan that only she needed, and he did his best to reject the concept of how very interesting she looked with her frizzy hair down and blowing in the breeze. Or the way she tugged at her collar, pulling it down to let cool air against her skin. He was a grown man, not a _teenager,_ and had plenty of control. Not like the dumb kids he found drinking out in the woods, starting garbage can fires and making out, or his sister with her husband at a Christmas party after too much schnapps, or the Saiyan Prince and his wife also at that Christmas party after too much schnapps. Never mind that he was drinking beer with this woman, because they were engaging in serious conversations about their history, their lives and futures, and past romantic relationships that consisted of her being glad that her ex was out of the picture and announcing that her newer flames had been busy single-dads with complex rules and just general _losers_ , and her hottest date in some time had been when a prey mantis had fallen down her shirt. His own dead, empty ‘love’ life looked even more tedious, and she didn’t believe him when he said that he hadn’t left a trail of broken hearts behind him.

Juunanagou told her about his sister, about their time apart, about how they had lost a mutual friend who had died suddenly. Then he mocked her taste in music, oldies, corny, with the occasional power girl balled of women who alternatively loved and resented their boyfriends, and she made fun of his own favorite bands and even more so when he revealed a growing fondness for old punk bands. Johanna argued that it was important to appreciate the classics, and from group that wore pegged jeans and zippers on everything. The cookies were missing something, shortening or not enough butter, and were burned around the corners. Together they had to peel and scrape them from the sheet.

“I’m not much of a cook.” It was hard to picture her with the domestic scene, despite the fact that they stood in her kitchen, making cookies. Maybe it was that she had to look up the direction on how to use flour, or that there had been paperwork in the oven. Hard to see her in law school, in a law office, behind a desk and wearing a nice dress or pantsuit. Anywhere besides outdoors or this cozy brick house, clad in comfortable jeans and t-shirt. What secrets to explore. She was a normal woman, with an ordinary life, and yet he wanted to know who her parents were, what her childhood had consisted of,

“That’s alright.” He wondered how strong his teeth were after all, when biting down.

Johanna coughed awkwardly into her hands as she ran paper towels over the oven. “How about dinner, tomorrow night?”

Dragged away from a night in his cabin or in the leaky tent, alone, waiting for his brain to slowly drain down or for the sun to rise. Didn’t you just say you couldn’t cook? “Oh, _alright_.”

“I’ll make a casserole.”

“ _Yummy_.” And he wanted to kill himself. But the bombs had been removed, Juuhachigou had told him, spat out and then repeated, later, mumbling to herself.

Johanna was sporting about it. “It will be,” she promised. “I won’t even buy it from the store and lie and say its mine. We won’t even use the paper plates.”

He demurred. “You’ll make me feel like a king.”

“Well, we don’t get many guests.” Then the red-haired woman winced. “I’m sorry, is that weird? You know what, never mind about that. Just say you’ll come to dinner.”

She made him take some of the cookies they had baked, their hard little sides sticking in his side as he broke them apart and ate them, seated on the bench outside his sparse cabin. Even the chocolate chips were misshapen. He needed the beer to get them down. Juunanagou pitied the children that would eat these for dessert. 

Above him, there were a thousand stars, and a nearly uncountable amount of worlds. Warlords with tails and aliens who ruled entire systems. Magical dragons that granted wishes when someone gathered seven orange orbs marked with stars. Humans, inventive enough to warp time and space and physics and biology. What was a cyborg or two?

How to explain in ten years that he never aged? He would just look very good for his age.

No, you have to tell her.

...ten years? You think this is going to last ten years? Ten minutes after you tell her.

What do you care?

I don’t.

He arrived early the next night, carrying store bought cookies and butter and baking soda and flowers and something tucked behind his shirt. His shirt had a collar and he explained it away to himself by saying it was cold, after all, and the average person would wear something more than a t-shirt. The saleswoman had said it was a good color for him, and it matched his eyes, but he had bought it anyway. That she wore slightly nicer sneakers and a faded black shirt that said something about ‘Death Ball IV’ calmed him very much. “I’m sorry if this is so informal. The kids have been sniffling all day.”

If she’d been wearing a dress and heels, Juunanagou would have been far more upset. Her jeans were a little tight—and then Juunanagou was looking away and being something less than a clammy-handed man. Johanna thanked him for the flowers, and then informed him it was baking _powder_ she needed. “The kids will appreciate the cookies.”

“I bet.”

Her glance was sour, and did not understand the joke. “Yeah, you’re not paying the dentist bills.” She gathered her purse and keys. “Now wait here. I need to buy noodles.”

“You’re leaving me alone in your house?”

“Yeah. I know where you work if you take my TV.” Then she was out the door. Then she stepped back inside. “Kids will be back in maybe an hour? Hour and a half? If that’s okay?”

“Oh, fine.”  That should give him enough time to see how things would go. Perhaps he would never even see how those braces were working out, and if they still had a shared head cold. 

He dusted and tried to not inspect the photographs and turned the TV onto the cooking channel since that was normal and sane. There was soy milk in the fridge, and it was not really worse than regular milk he decided, emptying the glass. He poked the dying lettuce and told it best of luck. The pictures on the wall made him warily curious.  Many were animals, either snapshots or crayon drawings. The others were of her, and her family and life. They told a wild assortment of a timeline, Johanna as a scowling little girl with painful braces, in a black graduation gown and arms around two other girls,  one in a dark red dress that made it easy to understand the single wedding picture that came afterwards. Then it was all screaming babies and Johanna suddenly in the forest, in woods, taking pictures of happy children frolicking and falling head-first into a pool. The ‘secret’ dug into his back when he cleaned the dishes in the sink.

The light of her car alarmed him more than it should have. 

He braced himself by the sink, and listened to how to braise asparagus and reminded himself that he had been cornered by Cell, and this was much lower on the list of frightening events in his life. She had made it back before the kids had, and that was very good.

Juunanagou pulled his gun out of the warn holster and enjoyed the weight of it. He was a good little ranger and pointed the gun away from all humans. Johanna hadn’t seen his license and prized award in sheet shooting however, and did not take this so well. There were bags of groceries under each arm and nearly slipped out. “What are you doing? Are you _crazy_?”

He held it to his palm and pulled the trigger. It was nothing to catch the bullet when it bounced off, and hold it out to her.

Finally, the red-haired woman stopped screaming long enough to stare at the slug, dented and flattered. Then she started screaming again. “Oh my god are you a _vampire_? Was that real? How are you able to go into the sun? Are you a vampire! This isn’t a _funny goddamn prank_.”

She got a hold of herself, briefly. “It's like in fifteen years old again and you're a bad journal entry. Are you a werewolf?”

No, but I know people that can change into beasts under a full moon. “A cyborg actually.”

“No. No way.”

The door opened a crack and all the crap started falling out. “And so is my sister. Remember the Red Ribbon Army? The leader, Gero, kidnapped me and my sister and turned us into cyborgs in order to fight the strangest beings on Earth.” Which they had _won._ They had only been undone by Gero’s final, true revenge.

Yes, that is my life story. It would make a creative novel, if Juunanagou had any skill in writing anything besides reports. Reports that he would occasionally spice up with some truth-stretching that got him in trouble, admittedly. But his twin would want residuals.

Johanne was meanwhile yelling some more. “You’re an _android_?”

“Cyborg.”

“Show me. Prove it.”

“Besides the gun? Should I use it on my face next?” She winced and pulled her hands away from her face, leaving little indents. “So, you're invincible? Shouldn't you be fighting crime?”

“Nah, that's for the others.”

“Other androids?”

“Cyborgs. And no. Well, maybe my sister.” She would deny it all she wanted, but Juunanagou bet she loved playing a hero, acting all superior to everyone else and getting all the spotlight. She would stop bank robbers and sneak a little on the side, and that husband would no doubt be all starry-eyed.

“ _Seventeen_ and _Eighteen_. Alright. That makes more sense now. But how do I know you're not lying, or just crazy? That gun might be fake. Is this all a long joke? Are we on camera?” Her hazel eyes searched the corners.

“You wanna hit me with your car?”

“Can I? No, really, can I?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

She flapped her hands. “No, this is crazy. I’m not hitting you with a car.”

“You just saw me catch a bullet.” He raised his eyebrows at her disbelief. “And you’re the one that wants proof.”

He had never been happier, and more impressed, to see a person calm down. “Okay. Let's wait until the kids fall asleep though. I don't want them to see that. Put that _gun_ away.”

Alright. Fair enough.

They made dinner. Casserole he helped with as she stared at him instead of chopping celery. The kids came back home with hated scarves and jars of bugs, and were rowdy and wanted to kick him under the table. “Be nice.” Johanna scolded while Juunanagou whispered that he couldn't even feel that, is that all you got, come on. As a rule, he did not care for children, but liked these ones with their funny green eyes and way they called out both adults on their bullshit on who had the best cookies. Together they pushed the kids towards their bedrooms and Juunanagou even consented to reading a painful story about a talking rhino that couldn’t find its mother. Look at the pictures. No, I won’t read it again, go to bed, oh, fine, one more time. 

“Thanks for being so patient with them. You’re good with kids.” They were both surprised.

“I am a man of many talents,” Juunanagou allowed. “Now, let’s go run me over with your car.”

Juunanagou made her put on a knitted scarf before they left for her car. But she protested him handing her the keys. “This is crazy. No, I can't hit you.”

“Go on. I know you want to.”

A car? A car was less than nothing.

He laid down in the driveway. Rocks dug into his back, and he saw the stars overhead, clear and bright. A tricycle sat in the corner, all innocently waiting for its owner to return. He listened to her cursing, telling herself that she was crazy, and he was crazy, and what the hell was she _doing_ , this couldn’t be real. Her property was far enough to not make neighbors an issue. Only the ceramic deer could watch this and judge her for attempted vehicular manslaughter.

“Just roll it over me.” The dark-haired man gave her a thumbs up.

It was such a pleasant night. He looked at the treads in the tire, watching them creep closer and closer. Just when he thought she would stop, she kept going. He fought the urge to scream, just to make her panic. Instead, he smiled around the mud pressed to his face from the tire.

“Alright. Just crushed a man under my car. Alright.” Thanks to the quiet and his modified hearing, Juunanagou could take in every word muttered. He could hear her very, very well. “Okay, Johanna, what have you gotten yourself into? Just because he’s hot doesn’t mean he can’t be crazy too. He caught a _bullet_.”

“Can I get up now?” His words were slightly muffled, and he enjoyed the comical quality, even as he grimaced at the taste of dirt and rubber.

“What are you _doing_?” She was continuing to talk to herself. “Just because he’s like like a male model...And apparently a machine. no wonder he’s so goddamn _handsome_.”

“That's me. A mystery machine.” Gently, Juunanagou pushed the car over by a foot, off his face. She cursed loud enough to nearly wake the kids. Especially when he lifted it up by the frame, carefully, to get a good look at the axle. “You should get the alignment checked on this thing. Especially now.”

“Holy shit. Holy mother _a god_.”

“I think you might need an oil check.” He ducked back under, to make sure.

“Get up!” Johanna fell out of the driver’s seat and then went to help him up, like he needed it. “Damn. You're real.”

“Flesh and blood. And some extras.”

“So you’re super powerful?”

“Yes. Very much so.” Not that it mattered as much anymore, but still. Juunanagou dusted his sleeves, trying to ignore how close she stood. “Do you have an interest in martial arts, by any chance?”

“Not really. I did take a self-defense class though, in college.” Johanna mused. “Still have the whistle. Unless the kids took it to play with.”

The dark-haired man turned to her, trying to read her expression in the glow from the headlights. “Do you need it?”

“No.” A smile suddenly crossed her face, and then disappeared just as fast. “I’ve decided its not needed anymore. Wait. If you’re so strong, why didn’t you just lift up the car to show you were an android?”

“…”

“I would have believed it. You’re too skinny to pick up something that heavy on your own.”

“…”

A long dismissive sniff. “So, what else is going on with you?”

“I don’t like the color red.” And I have intimacy issues. But no, he would never say that. That was one thing he would keep under his hat.

She was still standing close. “Alright. I’ll make note of that.”

“I would like to be a ranger outside the park one day, and actually work with animals.” Like you do. Only less boring.

“Interesting.”

“What else?”

“There’s also your anti-social tendencies.”

“…”

“What else?” she implored.

“Do you remember Cell? He was also a cyborg, created from Gero.”

“’Gero’?”

“The man that…well, my sister and I did not sign up to become cyborgs.” Johanna didn’t understand. “We used to be normal, average people, until the good doctor got a hold of us for his revenge.” And then I killed him.

“Gero created us, and then that monster.” Could he describe his own death? His helplessness, an emotion he had never experience, fresh fear and panic as he was sucked inside, and brainless with the realization that he could _die,_ he was dying right then, being removed and taken away. But he didn’t need to say anything more, from the expression on her face; he wasn’t the only person to have been brought back after dying at Cell’s hands.

“So was everything with Cell, about him being killed by...”

“Bullshit.”

“I see.”

She didn’t apologize, and he liked that. Johanna still didn’t get it completely, but knew enough. And she was not pitying, she was _curious_. She wanted to believe him, to find something magical, and special and a little dangerous. She wanted a minotaurus and a unicorn, and had found something similar, even if Juunanagou would never, ever admit he had compared himself to a unicorn. “You said Gero, he kidnapped you and your sister?”

Fuck, what had he told her all this? “Did I?”

Johanna reached up to take his hand inside both of hers. They were warm, and the sensors that never stopped informed him of her pulse, heightened but not as high as it could be. She had a scar over the pinky finger. No wedding ring. Flaking yellow paint on the nails. One last happy face on her middle finger remained, resilient.

“I used to have a bomb inside me. It was removed.” Juuhachigou had not comprehended why Krillin had done that, even as her twin brother had and found it alarming, pathetic. He had not apprehended why she’d had that blind spot. And now he understood now only why the human had done such a thing, but why it had taken his sister so long.

“Is there a scar?” She put her hand up to his chest.

To meet someone, someone so much weaker and _human_ , and what should be pathetic, but was _not_ , and to have that person see what you were, and to not pull away, but reach towards you. “No. But there can be if you want to see it?”

“What?”

“Nothing. Never mind.”

He was ashamed, and aware that this must have been what his unbearably nice brother-in-law must have felt like with Juuhachigou. Awful. The red-haired woman had wide eyes. “I’m sorry, did you want me to take your shirt off?”

“Ahem. Just to prove that I don’t have any scars.”

“Still though. Maybe I should see. Just to make sure. Unless, I don’t know…”

“Oh, that’s quite alright. If you feel it’s necessary.”

“I do. It’s _highly_ imperative.”  Her hands were tugging and pulling, and he would bow sightly, to help. There was no sign of any surgical incisions. The same regenerative quality that kept them from aging, allowed them to retain energy, had made sure to heal such marks. He tried to impart some of this information while she pushed him against a wall, pinning him.

“Do you like my shirt?”

“Yes.” She was running out of breath, and he didn’t need any cybernetics to know about her heart rate. “It goes well with your eyes.”

“I have only one more thing to admit.”

Her eyes fluttered open. “What’s that?”

“I think you should have gone ahead and bought that casserole from the store.”

“You, my young intern,” Her voice was low and stirring. “Are just lucky you’re so cute.”

Lucky was not a word he liked to apply to himself. Yet there it was, printed across his shirt like another insignia that only he and Johanna could see now. Not that he was wearing a shirt anymore. She had made sure of that. She had also made sure that any cybernetic parts did not prevent any intimate physical problems, and that required a full inspection and comprehensive medical exam. Her hands did not fumble, and he found the confidence reassuring.

At some point, she did not pause, but it was only to ask another question. “Do, ah, so what about – I mean, not to get too personally, but what are the chances of you getting me pregnant here?”

He thought of a certain party on a certain pink-housed island, a braying Yamcha clapping a mini-mink on the back, ignoring the pointed stares and throat-clearing as he congratulated his friend for getting Juuhachigou pregnant, way to go man. “They do exist.”

“Congrats. Now put this on.”

Juunanagou would let her lead him around. Her hair was indeed very frizzy when loosened and falling past her shoulders. He was not a magical unicorn and dragon that granted wishes, but she was still duly impressed. Johanna, on her side, sheets not high enough, scrutinizing him with what was nearly a leer: “I guess you did say you never got tired. Is that right?”

His breathe was rather short for this statement, but he was sure it was mostly true. Perhaps only with fighting….? Juunanagou noticed Or not. “Unlimited energy.”

“Hot damn.”

He pointed vaguely to his chest. “Yes, the part is right where the bomb used to be.”

She was creeping closer. “Such a joker.”

“Yes. That was a _joke_.”

“God, you’re so...”

Inscrutable. Inhuman. Immature. Insufferable.

“...so perfect.”

Sleep came rather easily afterwards, pulled around her mumbling body that reassured him it was okay if he wanted to stay the night, if he wanted to, if he didn’t feel pressured. With his head pressed against her neck, sweaty hair clinging to the skin, a sweet smell of shampoo and hidden musk, he could whisper back, “If you want me to.”

“Mm, ‘kay.”

When he woke up, he found Johanna already conscious, book in hand, but eyes focused on him. “It’s a little unsettling,” she started. “To be with someone prettier than you are. Not that you would know.”

His laugh surprised himself. There was light coming in from the window, and when he sat up, could see around clearly. A picture of her with her kids looked back at him, smiling. He found his scarf, his pants, his socks. What was the etiquette here? “Coffee?”

“Alright.”

So he got up and stumbled to the kitchen. There was the coffee pot and casserole dish left to sit in the sink. Juunanagou had never fretted in his life, but this felt close.

“Is it weird?”

She handed him the creamer. “This is all weird.”

“I guess so. But not bad weird?”

“No. I suppose it’s nice to be with someone that can lift a car. Maybe you can fix the alignment then?” She smiled. “In fact, all of last night was nice.”

He was glad, embarrassed. “Thank you.”

“I won’t even make a joke about you being a ‘sex machine.’”

“…”

“I’m sorry, was that offensive?”

“A little,” Juunanagou decided after a moment. “But I’ll forgive you. Because it’s true.”

His brother-in-law, the idiot romantic, had used a dragon ball wish to try and help Juuhachigou. Juunanagou didn’t have that resource quite at his disposal, but he could try to do as best he could with making pancakes. He could not blush when seeing the kids coming from their rooms, yawning and saying hello and wanting pancakes _and_ cereal.

He went back to his cabin, reluctantly, and after getting Johanna to promise to see him again. “Of course. I keep running into you, don’t I? Oh, don’t frown like that. I’ve obviously a sucker for those blue eyes.”

“Plus my irresistible bad boy attitude.”

“Hush.”

He brought casserole one night.

She showed him her old notes and books, the _Red Guide,_ pamphlets from the nearest university. “You know. If you were interested.”

Juunanagou tried to show the kids how to play baseball, and re-learned how important it was that Gero had provided extra-strength to both his skin and bones when they repeatedly took turns swinging the bat into him. He deserved it, for egging them on, yet turned the hose on them regardless.

She bought him a nice coffee pot, all polished chrome. “Ah. Just like my brain.”

“Stop that. No, really…? Oh, you’re such a liar.”

They would go to the zoo next Tuesday. She swore to get him to the karaoke bar. Gently, behind a joke, Johanna told him that she was little worried what her friends would say about her having such a ‘young boyfriend’, and he only smiled. “Tell that that you’ve made me appreciate the ‘classics.’”

“Hate you.” But then she’d lean in close to kiss him, and nuzzle their noses. “And don’t you ever make another crack like that again. Or I won’t let you take me skeet shooting.”

He was looking forward to it.

It was humiliating, to shuffle these little kids about, and to laugh when they tried to stick gum in his hair. He wanted a car, and one with a good backseat and safety features and a trunk for soccer balls and to find a nice shooting range to take Johanna, because he thought she would then appreciate his gun collection more, and because he thought she might look sexy with a revolver he was not ashamed to admit. Besides, it would be payback for when they’d had dinner with her friends who had grilled him with questions, and glanced questioningly at Johanna at his every answer. They would have fun, regardless, like the awful kid movies and hours spent trying to do paper mache.

Juunanagou could already see his sister’s smug little smile once she heard all about the homework lessons and cookies baked and social niceties and mundane trips to the grocery store. 

Well.

He just would never tell his sister about this.


End file.
